i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
