I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
