this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
