I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
