Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
COCAINE IS GR8
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize