Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
