i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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