I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
