Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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