I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize