were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
