Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Randomize
