dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
