Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
