Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
A+ Viking dick
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
