It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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