Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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