I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
