my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
