Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
