Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
