this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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