Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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