And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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