the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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