So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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