....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
