using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
