So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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