Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You smell like stripper and shame
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
