Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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