I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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