I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Boobs are out for the taking
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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