You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
