Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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