He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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