so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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