she was so not down for the gang bang
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize