Screwed.edu
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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