3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
