Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
