I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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