But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
