It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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