just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
