TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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