I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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