my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
then he tried to convert me to islam
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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