dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
