i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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