My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
