There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
