Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
