hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
