dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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