smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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