Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
