They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
