I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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