come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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