Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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