RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
That accounts for only three of the penises
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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