Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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