now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Its about making memories worth repressing
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
