Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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