last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
