She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
