omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
