I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
