the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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