Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize