when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
