i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
